March 28, 2013 by Royal and Doodall
The International Monetary Fund may have backed the deal put together in Brussels last Saturday but it is waiting out for proof that Cyprus can regain control of its economy before they confirm they will support the loan deal. IMF spokesman Gerry Rice said that Cyprus would be put into a trial period before backing is given unconditionally.
Mr Rice explained that Cyprus banks would reopen today and be funded by the IMF with a large amount of Monopoly currency. With this Cyprus will be challenged by the IMF to race around their streets in an old car and top hat with a small dog while avoiding ending up in jail. As part of the IMF probation period Cyprus must construct as many green hotels for IMF officials to stay in when they revisit the country and inspect the economic regeneration progress. Cyprus is also encouraged by the IMF to build red homes to improve general living conditions.
If Cyprus is able to construct four train stations and a gas and electricity company by 2014 then they will have to roll a double before passing GO and being allowed to use real money once again.
IMF spokesman Gerry Rice said it was essential to protect the world economy by putting Cyprus through this probation period. He would not be drawn on rumours of a return to the NFL however.
Reported by award winning news reporter Isabel Necessary.