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Punjaab and Kulfi – Episode 1


March 13, 2013 by Royal and Doodall

Punjaab and Kulfi

It was a hot sunny day down in the slum – it was always a hot sunny day in the slum. Punjaaab was laying on the floor and lazily licking his balls.

Oh I wish something interesting would happen – he mused to himself – maybe a beggar getting a kicking from the police, or one of street kids getting run-over by a bus……… but no,    today everything was quiet….. that was until suddenly there was a sound coming from around the corner, Punjaab was used to the sound of people shouting and yelling – but this was different. I’m going to investigate this he said to Kulfi the mangy cat, who was a very lazy bastard and stunk of rotting fish. “Really said Kulfi? I can’t be arsed, I’ll just stay here and chew fleas”. Punjaab got to his feet and walked around the corner to where the commotion was coming from.

On entering the “round the Corner Slum”, he saw two massive trucks – he knew they were trucks as the drivers were very fat and ignorant – He could also see a gang of garbage –wallers attempting to pick up piles of rubbish. What’s going on he asked one of the slum dwellers? They are trying to take away all the shit and rubbish piles that we live amongst! We cannot let this happen or we won’t have any shit and rubbish to sort into piles of different shit and rubbish which we use to make shit and rubbish to sell to the hippy tourists. We must stop them!!

Seeing an opportunity to bite someone, Punjaab leapt into action…….. He raced across the road with his teeth bared and his most menacing bark. The rubbish collectors didn’t notice Punjaab as they were used to the sound of barking dogs, bleating goats, wailing people and all the other sounds of the slums….

They may not have heard him, but the first rubbish collector certainly felt him as he clamped his teeth firmly onto the man’s scrotum………

With a scream, the man dropped his collection bag and ran away……. Being buoyed by this reaction Punjaab then turned his attention to the next collector and ripped an 8 inch gash in the man.s leg …. Bugger me, yelled the man and dived for cover in the lorry. Seeing the bravery of Punjaab, the assembled scum dwellers gained confidence and started a full scale attack on the rubbish collectors, beating them with sticks and throwing stale chapattis at them and even attacking them with a poppodom…… within a very short time all the rubbish collectors had charged into the Lorries and sped off!

Hooray shouted the slum dwellers shouted….. Punjaab has saved the day! We can carry on living in shit for a long time to come! Hooray!……..  One old lady was so grateful to Punjaab that she gave him her dead husband’s leg bone that she’d been saving to make soup out of that year.

Punjaab felt like a hero.

When he walked back to Kulfi he had the air of a victorious general.

Kulfi, being a cat, was completely uninterested in Punjaabs recount of the great battle and just farted before going back to sleep.

Oh well, thought Punjaab to himself, you can’t please every fucker.

Didly dah diddly dah………………………..

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