March 14, 2013 by Royal and Doodall
It was a hot sunny day down in the slum – it was always a hot sunny day in the slum. Punjaaab was lying on the floor and lazily licking his balls.
Oh I wish something interesting would happen – he mused to himself – maybe a street girl getting raped and mugged in a back-alley or a donkey being thrown from a bridge……… but no, today everything was quiet…..
I think today, I will get some new shoes, Punjaab decided, yes; new shoes always brighten the day. I believe that the lady-folk get new shoes when they are feeling depressed and down. He had also heard that the bottom-touching men also felt far gayer when they were buying shoes.
Kulfi, I am going shoe-shopping, would you like to accompany me? He asked Kulfi. No, I’d rather stay here and clean my rectum with my tongue, kulfi retorted, and…… being a cat…….proceeded to do just that.
Ok, I will return to the slum later with the finest foot apparel that Bombay has to offer. I will be the envy of all the slum-dwellers, for I, Punjaab shall have the only shoes in the slum.
Once in the retail area of the city Punjaab was overwhelmed – not just by the smell of sweaty people and deodorant, but by the rows of shiny glass fronted shops. After stopping to urinate on as many of the shop windows as he could, Punjaab finally came across a potential supplier for his shoes. The shop was called Sliponda Footwear; the door was open so Punjaab walked in…….
On seeing a member of staff Punjaab asked – excuse me shoe-waller, would be kind enough to let me try on two pairs of those wonderful brogues you have in the window? I believe I am a size four………. On hearing Punjaab barking (because after all, the shoe-waller did not speak slum-dog) she shouted at him and said “ Shooo, shooo, “ . That is correct Punjaab insisted, I would like shoes……. But the shoe-waller appeared not to want to serve him. On deciding that this shop did not deserve his custom, Punjaab turned towards the door and headed back out into the street, but not before releasing one of his most indignant botty-coughs, which were well known in the slum for their extreme potency and offensiveness.
Punjaab decided to carry on down the street until he could find another shoe shop which would deserve his custom. It was not long before he came across a shop on a corner, with a sign above it saying “Ravi Patel – finest shoes in all India”……. Aha thought Punjaaab, this is the place for me. I shall give Mr Patel the benefit of my custom, and he walked in.
Mr Patel, (Punjaab assumed it was Mr Patel as he had the air of a proprietor) was seated behind a counter reading the paper.
Good afternoon my good fellow – bid Punjaab, I am requiring to purchase some of your finest fine shoes, I am a prince among my slum- friends and only the finest shoes in India would be suitable for me. I can see that your shop is obviously the best establishment in the whole of India and as such wish you to be my sole supplier, Punjaab was rather pleased with his use of words to the shop-keeper, and thought his rather clever pun would indeed charm Mr Patel into maybe giving Punjaab a discount, as is the Indian buyers preference. But instead, Mr Patel leapt from behind the counter and started yelling at Punjaaab “get out of my shop you filthy smelly hound” he screamed, and starting to hit poor Punjaab with a broom.
Punjaab was very disappointed by Mr Patels actions.
Oh well, thought Punjaab to himself, you can’t please every fucker.
Didly dah diddly dah………………………..
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