March 15, 2013 by Royal and Doodall
It was a hot sunny day in the slum. It was always a hot sunny day in the slum. Punjaab was lying on the floor and lazily licking his balls. Oh I wish something interesting would happen he mused to himself. May be a gang of organ thieves removing a slum dwellers kidneys with a spoon or a slum prostitute getting beaten up by her pimp but no. Today everything was quiet.
“You know what?”, Said Punjaab to Kulfi, “Its time to broaden my horizons. I have decided to take a holiday and see some culture in other parts of the world. Do you wish to join me on this adventure?” he asked Kulfi. “No, I can lick my balls quite happily here” said Kulfi and went back to sleep. “Well” said Punjaab “I believe I have earned a break and shall visit Raj’s travel emporium without delay.”
On entering the travel shop Punjaab was overwhelmed with all the glossy pictures of interesting far away places. There were golden beaches, blue seas, and a whole host of exotic destinations to choose from. Hmmmmm, thought Punjaab, I will ask the travel waller what he will recommend but first I feel the need to relieve myself, and with that Punjaab moved across to a corner of the shop and lay one of his infamous dogs eggs. Feeling refreshed Punjaab sidled up to the counter. At that moment the travel-waller started yelling and cursing and set of to the corner that Punjaab had just redecorated. As he went Punjaab noticed that the travel-waller had kindly left him a ticket on the counter top. Not wishing to look a gift donkey in the mouth Punjaab picked up the ticket and left the shop. He was very pleased with his purchase.
Once he was some way down the street Punjaab stopped to study the ticket and discover what wonderful destination he was going to visit. Goodness me thought Punjaab as he read the ticket. This place sounds like it should be a veritable heaven on earth…….Bradford, he read to himself, yes I think I will enjoy this trip.
As it occurred the flight was from Mumbai airport that very evening at 7:30. I will need to make haste to the airport, thought Punjaab, and set off immediately. Punjaab was a master of negotiating the city and was at the airport only minutes before the flight was about to board. Fortunately for him, the airport was a heaving mass of humanity, with seemingly nobody interested in anything other than themselves. Even the security guards were more interested in watching television than the comings and goings of the people. Punjaab followed the signs that directed him to where the plane would be leaving from.
There was already a queue of people waiting to board the plane so Punjaab took his place in the queue. He was quietly minding his own business standing beside a lady who was wearing dark glasses and carrying a stick. Within a couple of moments a cabin crew-waller approached the lady and said “Excuse me Madam, would you and your guide dog like to get on first?” The lady, while looking a little confused, was then ushered onto the plane. Punjaab was walking beside her thinking “My word I appear to be getting first class service, I am a happy slumdog today” When everyone was on the plane, the doors closed, and the plane took off into the Mumbai night sky.
Punjaab’s stomach was not used to flying, and after he had eaten three bowls of food provided by the cabin crew-waller he needed to vomit, so he did. Feeling better, he relaxed, and was soon asleep. Sometime later, although Punjaab did not know how long, there seemed to be a lot of action on the plane and everyone was standing up and getting their baggage together. Then suddenly the plane door was open and Punjaab realized that they had arrived. He got up and followed the lady to the door. On alighting from the steps Punjaab was less than happy for it seemed that the aircraft had apparently just circled in the sky, waited till it was raining, and landed back in Mumbai. On discovering this Punjaab was incensed and immediately bounded over to the terminal where he was greeted by a man wearing a very bright green jacket. Punjaab remonstrated with the man, loudly barking out his displeasure at being taken back to where he had set out from. The man, though appeared not to be interested in Punjaabs complaint and to make matters worse grabbed Punjaab and threw him into a cage.
Some holiday this has turned out to be thought Punjaab.
Oh well, said Punjaab to himself, even pleasing myself appears to be difficult.
To be continued…..
Diddily dah diddily dah….